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<title>With Him, I'm Always Home by Ellunar Eclipse (mind_is_a_prison)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27829918">With Him, I'm Always Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mind_is_a_prison/pseuds/Ellunar%20Eclipse'>Ellunar Eclipse (mind_is_a_prison)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Family, Family Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Memories, Poetry, Reminiscing, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, sibling relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:34:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,222</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27829918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mind_is_a_prison/pseuds/Ellunar%20Eclipse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The thoughts and feelings of a particular nonbinary blob on their younger brother and their relationship throughout the years as seen from the perspective of said blob years in the future, reminiscing on the past and dreaming of what may lie ahead in the future. This poem is completely fictional and is in no way a representation of my own thoughts and feeling towards my younger brother. Nope. No way.</p><p>...</p><p>I mean...</p><p>...yeah.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>siblings - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>With Him, I'm Always Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Laying in the grass on a empty hill,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A lone tree my only companion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A starry sky reflected in my eyes</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As I gazed at its unearthly splendor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They seemed to shimmer and flicker,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like the sputtering flame of a candlewick,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or the glittering of a gemstone</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the sun shines through.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The air felt cool on my face,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Weaving its way through my tangled hair</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And filling the air with the scent of freshly cut grass</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And something sweet and familiar, but unidentifiable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the scent of my childhood,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of late afternoons filled with rolling down grassy hills</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And chasing my brother around with a stick,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inventing a fantastical world that only we could see.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What beautiful, bright, glorious times were those!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What amazing, exciting, perilous adventures we had!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How my heart longed to travel back to that time,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When my brother and I were young and free.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pang in my heart grew stronger yet</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As I imagined my brother here with me,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lying down in the grass by my side,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tracing shapes in the stars and dreaming of tomorrow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What wonderful times we would have together!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chasing each other through the field and into the woods,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Our breaths coming in short, excited, cheerful gasps</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As we ducked and dodged low branches in our path.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What amazing adventures we would experience together!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Exploring far off lands that we couldn’t even imagine,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or creating new ones that were filled with so much color and light,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anything would do, as long as we were by each others’ side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What outstanding conversations we conducted together!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talking about everything and nothing at all, anything on our minds,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Teasing each other for events in our pasts that we shared together,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joking and laughing until the moon was high in the sky, illuminating the darkness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But those times were long gone now, a distant memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My brother was long gone, travelling to a place I couldn’t follow,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Living a life that was made for him, and not for me,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now all I had of him was my memories of yesteryear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Every day that I wake up to an empty house,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I imagine my brother storming through,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chasing our dogs around the room with his arms open wide,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scooping them up in his arms and laughing when they licked his nose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Every afternoon that I drive to school I imagine him in the car with me,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Making a face at me every time I sang along to the radio,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then forgetting himself and joining in halfway through the song,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Our voices, just a touch off-key, clashing together and drowning out the silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Every evening that I sit at the dining room table and eat,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I imagine us eating together and chatting, like the good old times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Him teasingly saying that it was about time I had learned to cook,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And me shoving him lightly with a laugh that swelled and filled the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Every night that I lounge on the sofa, watching TV,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I imagine us watching a movie together and eating popcorn,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing along to all the same jokes, and starting impromptu pillow fights,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before we both drift off to sleep under a mound of pillows and blankets.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But that is nothing more than the silly dream of a girl living in the past,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So enamored by what used to be, or what could have been,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That I find myself unable to move forward to a brighter future,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Always stuck looking back at the same old past.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s so hard to move forward when you can’t look away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s so hard to push onward when it hurts to let go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s so hard to think about tomorrow when yesterday is still calling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s so hard to imagine a future when tomorrow seems so uncertain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But I have to let go of the past that I once knew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Those days are long gone, and there’s no way to go back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I don’t think I want to go back to those days, anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because there were times that weren’t so great back then.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Screaming, yelling, fighting over things that were so stupid,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that seemed like the end of the world at the time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hurt, pain, regret over things that we can’t undo,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leaving us drowning in an ocean of tears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I love my little brother, and I always will,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But our relationship was never perfect,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it would be unfair to try and treat it as such.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was so much more to it than that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because our relationship was real.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was broken, and messy, and flawed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it was ours,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I just want my brother back, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if things will never be like they were.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We can’t try and recreate the past,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that’s okay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We are both very different people now than we were then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We both changed and grew as people in all those years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yes, those changes caused us to grow apart,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But we don’t have to stay that way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I wanted to call him and tell him all the things residing in my heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to tell him how much I missed having him around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to tell him how much I loved and treasured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to tell him how much I needed him in my life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My brother was everything to me, even if he didn’t care much for me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was my other half, the one person who really understood who I was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If we had drifted apart over time, that meant we could also drift together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hadn’t lost him yet, and I didn’t plan on letting that happen in the future.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He might not want to see me again,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He might not want to talk to me,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He might not want hear from me,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He might not want me in his life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And if that was the truth, then I would have to accept it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I can’t force him to accept my love and support if he doesn’t want it,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it never hurts to reach out and give things a try.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes a blind reach gets you farther than anything else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I was willing to try and rekindle our broken relationship,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And work through all the scars and bruises</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That we had given each other over the years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t too late to start anew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So as I stretched out on the grassy hill, my arms crossed behind my head,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feeling a new sense of hope and purpose burning in my chest,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the gentle brush of a hundred blades of grass against my skin,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gazed up at the stars with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>From that moment on, I would no longer hide away out of fear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I would no longer live my days drowning in all my regrets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I would no longer be overwhelmed by the weight of my mistakes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I would no longer let events of the past control my future.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Starting that night, I would call my brother for the first time in years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I would tell him all the words trapped in my heart and lodged in my soul</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And hope for a brighter future with him in my life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because when I’m with him, I’m always home.</span>
</p>
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